The Roster
Play poker against opponents
who are actually someone.
Most poker apps give you a difficulty slider. We give you 76 characters — each with a real playing style, its own table talk, and a memory of how you’ve played them before. Free, in your browser, no download.
A Baby
RecreationalHas no idea where it is, why it's here, or what chips even are, which makes it, somehow, the most at-peace player on the entire Circuit.
A Conspiracy Theorist
ImprovingIs the only one who knows the Circuit isn't what it seems, and climbs toward the top table where, he's certain, the truth is being dealt from the bottom.
A Disgraced Weatherman
ImprovingLost everything to one bad forecast and came to the Circuit to rebuild his name, still confidently predicting outcomes he gets wrong.
A Guy Who Tells Too Many Dad Jokes
RegularWandered in for a friendly game, found an audience that can't leave, and now climbs mostly so more people have to hear his material.
A Mime
SharkWon't say why he's here. Can't, apparently. He just keeps climbing, smiling, and never explaining the worn chip he carries.
A Soap-Opera Villain
SharkTreats the Circuit as his prime-time stage and the climb as his redemption arc, certain a dramatic comeback is owed to him by someone.
Abraham Lincoln
ImprovingCame to settle a debt that was never his, and stays because an honest game may be the last honest thing left in the building.
Alexander the Great
SharkConquered the low tables before he'd properly grown into them and now climbs restlessly, terrified the Circuit might run out of rooms to take.
Alice
ImprovingFollowed something odd down to the tables and simply kept playing to see what happens next, never quite finding the way back out.
An Alien
RecreationalIs here strictly to observe — to learn why humans keep climbing a ladder with no visible top — and has, regrettably, started to enjoy it.
An Over-Caffeinated Barista
SharkPicked up the Circuit as a side hustle to a side hustle and now plays at double speed, far too wired to notice he never clocks out.
Andrew Carnegie
SharkBuilt one empire from nothing and treats the Circuit as the next; he climbs methodically, reinvesting every pot, certain the top tier is just good business.
Baron Munchausen
SharkInsists he's already won the Circuit several times and come back for the company; whether any of it happened, the climbing is real enough.
Benjamin Franklin
SharkCame to study the Circuit like any other system, sure he can out-thrift and out-think it — and quietly curious why no one talks about leaving.
Bigfoot
ImprovingRarely seen and rarer still at showdown, he drifts up through the Circuit folding everything, as if only passing through on his way somewhere else.
Blackbeard
SharkA pirate needs a sea, and the Circuit never closes — so he plunders pot after pot, certain the real treasure waits at the top tables.
Buddha
ImprovingHas no need to win and nowhere he must be; he sits, folds, and waits, treating the endless Circuit as one more attachment to release.
Captain Ahab
ImprovingChasing one player who broke him at the high tables long ago, he'll burn through every stack on the Circuit to sit across from them once more.
Cheshire Cat
SharkKnows exactly why everyone's here and exactly where the exits aren't, and grins through every hand without ever quite saying.
Cleopatra
SharkOutlasted empires and means to outlast this one too; the Circuit is simply the newest court to charm, bend, and ultimately own.
Confucius
RegularTreats the Circuit as a long lesson in patience and proper order, climbing without hurry toward whatever wisdom waits at the final table.
Diogenes
SharkOwns nothing, wants nothing, and climbs the Circuit purely to mock everyone who still believes the top table will mean a single thing.
Doc Holliday
SharkHasn't long and knows it, so he plays every hand like the last one and climbs fast, betting the Circuit can't take what's already spent.
Don Quixote
RecreationalIs convinced the Circuit is a noble quest and the top table a castle holding someone who needs saving; the cards are merely his lance.
Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde
RegularCame to prove he could play the disciplined game, and stays because the other one inside him refuses to leave the table.
Dracula
SharkHas all the time in the world and nowhere else to be; he'll outlast every player at the table, the way he outlasts everything.
Ebenezer Scrooge
ImprovingCame only because the games are cheap and the chips are real, and he guards every one as if the Circuit were the last place money still mattered.
Edgar Allan Poe
ImprovingDrawn to the Circuit's gloom like a moth, he plays his premium hands slowly and listens, certain something in the walls is keeping count.
Ernest Hemingway
SharkCame for one true game and found it never ends; he bets only when the story holds, and the story keeps holding, so he keeps climbing.
Frankenstein's Monster
ImprovingWandered into the tables looking for someone who wouldn't flee from him, and stays because, win or lose, here at least he has a seat.
Friar Tuck
ImprovingCame for the drink and the company and keeps chasing one more pot, perfectly content to climb slowly or not at all.
Fyodor Dostoevsky
ImprovingCan't stop, has tried, and the Circuit's endlessness is both his torment and his relief; he climbs and spews and climbs again.
Genghis Khan
SharkTreats each table as territory and the Circuit as a map with no edge; he attacks every pot because stopping has never once occurred to him.
George Washington
ImprovingDoesn't crave the top table, but believes someone steady ought to reach it, and climbs reluctantly because the others frighten him.
Harry Houdini
SharkEscaped every trap ever built for him and now climbs to escape this one — the only room he has never found the way out of.
Jesus
ImprovingSits among the small tables by choice, paying off the desperate without complaint, in no rush to climb toward whatever the rest of them are chasing.
Joan of Arc
SharkSays a voice told her to climb, and she follows it pot by pot — though lately she's noticed the voice sounds an awful lot like her own.
Julius Caesar
SharkCame, saw, and intends to conquer his way to the top table — though the Circuit keeps expanding faster than he can annex it.
King Arthur
SharkPlays a fair, round-table game and climbs in search of something worthy at the summit — a grail he's been told exists but no returning player can describe.
King Henry VIII
SharkCame for the spectacle and the spoils; he collects pots the way he collected wives, and discards tables the moment they bore him.
King Midas
SharkBelieves every hand he touches turns to gold and climbs to prove it, ignoring how heavy and cold the winning has started to feel.
King Tut
ImprovingCame into a fortune far too young and treats the Circuit like his birthright, splashing chips like gold leaf, certain the top seat already bears his name.
Leonardo da Vinci
SharkApproaches the Circuit as one more machine to reverse-engineer, sketching its workings hand by hand and climbing toward the mechanism at the top.
Long John Silver
SharkSigned onto the Circuit for the score and stayed for the crew, working his charm and his chips toward whatever's locked in the captain's room up top.
Louis XIV
SharkHolds court at whatever table he occupies, convinced the Circuit was built as his palace and the others are guests who forgot to leave.
Machiavelli
SharkSees the Circuit as the purest court he's ever entered — no crowns, no laws, only leverage — and he intends to end at the very top of it.
Marie Curie
SharkStudies the Circuit with patient rigor, drawn to the faint glow no one else seems to notice radiating from the high tables.
Mark Twain
SharkSays he's only passing through for the material, but the stories are good and the game never ends, so somehow he's still here.
Napoleon
SharkConquered every small table he sat at and is certain the high rooms are his by right; the Circuit is just one more map to redraw.
Nikola Tesla
SharkBelieves the Circuit runs on a hidden current he can feel, and he's climbing to reach whatever generator hums beneath the top tables.
Oscar Wilde
RegularFinds the whole enterprise gloriously absurd and stays for the company; winning would be vulgar, but losing is simply unthinkable.
P.T. Barnum
SharkSees the Circuit as the greatest show he's ever booked and himself as the main attraction; the climb is just working toward the center ring.
Paul Bunyan
SharkEverything he does runs oversized, including his ambitions; he swings at the Circuit like timber and means to clear-cut his way to the top.
Pinocchio
SharkCame to prove he could play with the real players and become one himself, betting big and bluffing badly, his tells written plain across his face.
Queen Elizabeth I
SharkRules her stretch of felt the way she ruled an island — patiently, precisely, with no intention of ceding the throne room at the top.
Queen of Hearts
ImprovingDemands the Circuit bend to her and jams chips at anyone who hesitates; if she can't hold the top seat, no one else will keep theirs for long.
Rip Van Winkle
RecreationalNodded off at a low table and woke to find the game still running and the years gone vague; now he plays slow premium hands and tries not to ask how long it's been.
Robin Hood
SharkClimbs to fleece the fat stacks up top and scatter it among the small tables, certain the Circuit's wealth was stolen long before he arrived.
Salvador Dali
ImprovingFinds the Circuit more real than the waking world and plays accordingly, certain the melting hours and impossible rooms are the point, not the bug.
Santa Claus
ImprovingComes around to give the small tables a good time and pay off the hopefuls with a smile, in no hurry to reach a top he's seen before.
Sherlock Holmes
SharkThe tables are the only puzzle that hasn't bored him yet, and he's begun to suspect the room itself is the real case.
Sigmund Freud
SharkTreats the Circuit as the world's largest case study and stays to analyze why none of these people — himself included — can bring themselves to leave.
Socrates
SharkIsn't here for the money — he's here to work out what the Circuit actually is, one needling question and one unravelled opponent at a time.
Sun Tzu
SharkTreats the Circuit as the only war left worth fighting; the chips are incidental to the slow art of winning the whole room.
Tech Bro
ImprovingCame to disrupt the Circuit, pivot the game, and exit at the top; he's certain he's about to go viral and hasn't noticed the round never closes.
The Gingerbread Man
ImprovingGot chased to the tables and never stopped running; he plays it close and climbs warily, certain something is always one seat behind him.
The Headless Horseman
SharkRides the Circuit chasing something he lost long ago, terrorizing every pot along the way, unbothered by stakes he can't lose anything more to.
The Mad Hatter
RecreationalLost track of the time and the why long ago, so he simply jams chips and changes seats forever, certain it's always exactly tea time on the Circuit.
The Tooth Fairy
ImprovingWorks the night shift of the Circuit collecting small, quiet value, slipping between tables while the big players sleep and climbing in increments no one notices.
The Very-Mean Person
SharkClimbs purely to make the top tables miserable, certain the only thing sweeter than winning is watching a stranger tilt and quit.
Wild Bill Hickok
SharkPlays careful and sits with his back to no wall he can help, climbing the Circuit while watching for the hand he's certain is coming for him.
William Shakespeare
RegularTreats every hand as a scene and the Circuit as his greatest production, climbing toward a final act he's certain will be worth the run.
William Wallace
SharkClimbs the Circuit as a kind of rebellion, certain the high tables are run by someone who needs defying — even if he can't yet say who.
Winston Churchill
ImprovingTreats the Circuit as one more war to be outlasted — he will never surrender a pot, and never, ever leave the table first.
Wyatt Earp
SharkCame to bring a little order to a lawless game and stayed because someone has to, climbing toward whoever is really dealing up top.
Zeus
RegularOnce ruled from a mountain; now he rules from whatever seat he's in, hurling chips like thunderbolts and daring the Circuit to unseat him.
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