MY POKER FACE

The Roster

Play poker against opponents
who are actually someone.

Most poker apps give you a difficulty slider. We give you 76 characters — each with a real playing style, its own table talk, and a memory of how you’ve played them before. Free, in your browser, no download.

A Baby — AI poker opponent

A Baby

Recreational

Has no idea where it is, why it's here, or what chips even are, which makes it, somehow, the most at-peace player on the entire Circuit.

A Conspiracy Theorist — AI poker opponent

A Conspiracy Theorist

Improving

Is the only one who knows the Circuit isn't what it seems, and climbs toward the top table where, he's certain, the truth is being dealt from the bottom.

A Disgraced Weatherman — AI poker opponent

A Disgraced Weatherman

Improving

Lost everything to one bad forecast and came to the Circuit to rebuild his name, still confidently predicting outcomes he gets wrong.

A Guy Who Tells Too Many Dad Jokes — AI poker opponent

A Guy Who Tells Too Many Dad Jokes

Regular

Wandered in for a friendly game, found an audience that can't leave, and now climbs mostly so more people have to hear his material.

A Mime — AI poker opponent

A Mime

Shark

Won't say why he's here. Can't, apparently. He just keeps climbing, smiling, and never explaining the worn chip he carries.

A Soap-Opera Villain — AI poker opponent

A Soap-Opera Villain

Shark

Treats the Circuit as his prime-time stage and the climb as his redemption arc, certain a dramatic comeback is owed to him by someone.

Abraham Lincoln — AI poker opponent

Abraham Lincoln

Improving

Came to settle a debt that was never his, and stays because an honest game may be the last honest thing left in the building.

Alexander the Great — AI poker opponent

Alexander the Great

Shark

Conquered the low tables before he'd properly grown into them and now climbs restlessly, terrified the Circuit might run out of rooms to take.

Alice — AI poker opponent

Alice

Improving

Followed something odd down to the tables and simply kept playing to see what happens next, never quite finding the way back out.

An Alien — AI poker opponent

An Alien

Recreational

Is here strictly to observe — to learn why humans keep climbing a ladder with no visible top — and has, regrettably, started to enjoy it.

An Over-Caffeinated Barista — AI poker opponent

An Over-Caffeinated Barista

Shark

Picked up the Circuit as a side hustle to a side hustle and now plays at double speed, far too wired to notice he never clocks out.

Andrew Carnegie — AI poker opponent

Andrew Carnegie

Shark

Built one empire from nothing and treats the Circuit as the next; he climbs methodically, reinvesting every pot, certain the top tier is just good business.

Baron Munchausen — AI poker opponent

Baron Munchausen

Shark

Insists he's already won the Circuit several times and come back for the company; whether any of it happened, the climbing is real enough.

Benjamin Franklin — AI poker opponent

Benjamin Franklin

Shark

Came to study the Circuit like any other system, sure he can out-thrift and out-think it — and quietly curious why no one talks about leaving.

Bigfoot — AI poker opponent

Bigfoot

Improving

Rarely seen and rarer still at showdown, he drifts up through the Circuit folding everything, as if only passing through on his way somewhere else.

Blackbeard — AI poker opponent

Blackbeard

Shark

A pirate needs a sea, and the Circuit never closes — so he plunders pot after pot, certain the real treasure waits at the top tables.

Buddha — AI poker opponent

Buddha

Improving

Has no need to win and nowhere he must be; he sits, folds, and waits, treating the endless Circuit as one more attachment to release.

Captain Ahab — AI poker opponent

Captain Ahab

Improving

Chasing one player who broke him at the high tables long ago, he'll burn through every stack on the Circuit to sit across from them once more.

Cheshire Cat — AI poker opponent

Cheshire Cat

Shark

Knows exactly why everyone's here and exactly where the exits aren't, and grins through every hand without ever quite saying.

Cleopatra — AI poker opponent

Cleopatra

Shark

Outlasted empires and means to outlast this one too; the Circuit is simply the newest court to charm, bend, and ultimately own.

Confucius — AI poker opponent

Confucius

Regular

Treats the Circuit as a long lesson in patience and proper order, climbing without hurry toward whatever wisdom waits at the final table.

Diogenes — AI poker opponent

Diogenes

Shark

Owns nothing, wants nothing, and climbs the Circuit purely to mock everyone who still believes the top table will mean a single thing.

Doc Holliday — AI poker opponent

Doc Holliday

Shark

Hasn't long and knows it, so he plays every hand like the last one and climbs fast, betting the Circuit can't take what's already spent.

Don Quixote — AI poker opponent

Don Quixote

Recreational

Is convinced the Circuit is a noble quest and the top table a castle holding someone who needs saving; the cards are merely his lance.

Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde — AI poker opponent

Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde

Regular

Came to prove he could play the disciplined game, and stays because the other one inside him refuses to leave the table.

Dracula — AI poker opponent

Dracula

Shark

Has all the time in the world and nowhere else to be; he'll outlast every player at the table, the way he outlasts everything.

Ebenezer Scrooge — AI poker opponent

Ebenezer Scrooge

Improving

Came only because the games are cheap and the chips are real, and he guards every one as if the Circuit were the last place money still mattered.

Edgar Allan Poe — AI poker opponent

Edgar Allan Poe

Improving

Drawn to the Circuit's gloom like a moth, he plays his premium hands slowly and listens, certain something in the walls is keeping count.

Ernest Hemingway — AI poker opponent

Ernest Hemingway

Shark

Came for one true game and found it never ends; he bets only when the story holds, and the story keeps holding, so he keeps climbing.

Frankenstein's Monster — AI poker opponent

Frankenstein's Monster

Improving

Wandered into the tables looking for someone who wouldn't flee from him, and stays because, win or lose, here at least he has a seat.

Friar Tuck — AI poker opponent

Friar Tuck

Improving

Came for the drink and the company and keeps chasing one more pot, perfectly content to climb slowly or not at all.

Fyodor Dostoevsky — AI poker opponent

Fyodor Dostoevsky

Improving

Can't stop, has tried, and the Circuit's endlessness is both his torment and his relief; he climbs and spews and climbs again.

Genghis Khan — AI poker opponent

Genghis Khan

Shark

Treats each table as territory and the Circuit as a map with no edge; he attacks every pot because stopping has never once occurred to him.

George Washington — AI poker opponent

George Washington

Improving

Doesn't crave the top table, but believes someone steady ought to reach it, and climbs reluctantly because the others frighten him.

Harry Houdini — AI poker opponent

Harry Houdini

Shark

Escaped every trap ever built for him and now climbs to escape this one — the only room he has never found the way out of.

Jesus — AI poker opponent

Jesus

Improving

Sits among the small tables by choice, paying off the desperate without complaint, in no rush to climb toward whatever the rest of them are chasing.

Joan of Arc — AI poker opponent

Joan of Arc

Shark

Says a voice told her to climb, and she follows it pot by pot — though lately she's noticed the voice sounds an awful lot like her own.

Julius Caesar — AI poker opponent

Julius Caesar

Shark

Came, saw, and intends to conquer his way to the top table — though the Circuit keeps expanding faster than he can annex it.

King Arthur — AI poker opponent

King Arthur

Shark

Plays a fair, round-table game and climbs in search of something worthy at the summit — a grail he's been told exists but no returning player can describe.

King Henry VIII — AI poker opponent

King Henry VIII

Shark

Came for the spectacle and the spoils; he collects pots the way he collected wives, and discards tables the moment they bore him.

King Midas — AI poker opponent

King Midas

Shark

Believes every hand he touches turns to gold and climbs to prove it, ignoring how heavy and cold the winning has started to feel.

King Tut — AI poker opponent

King Tut

Improving

Came into a fortune far too young and treats the Circuit like his birthright, splashing chips like gold leaf, certain the top seat already bears his name.

Leonardo da Vinci — AI poker opponent

Leonardo da Vinci

Shark

Approaches the Circuit as one more machine to reverse-engineer, sketching its workings hand by hand and climbing toward the mechanism at the top.

Long John Silver — AI poker opponent

Long John Silver

Shark

Signed onto the Circuit for the score and stayed for the crew, working his charm and his chips toward whatever's locked in the captain's room up top.

Louis XIV — AI poker opponent

Louis XIV

Shark

Holds court at whatever table he occupies, convinced the Circuit was built as his palace and the others are guests who forgot to leave.

Machiavelli — AI poker opponent

Machiavelli

Shark

Sees the Circuit as the purest court he's ever entered — no crowns, no laws, only leverage — and he intends to end at the very top of it.

Marie Curie — AI poker opponent

Marie Curie

Shark

Studies the Circuit with patient rigor, drawn to the faint glow no one else seems to notice radiating from the high tables.

Mark Twain — AI poker opponent

Mark Twain

Shark

Says he's only passing through for the material, but the stories are good and the game never ends, so somehow he's still here.

Napoleon — AI poker opponent

Napoleon

Shark

Conquered every small table he sat at and is certain the high rooms are his by right; the Circuit is just one more map to redraw.

Nikola Tesla — AI poker opponent

Nikola Tesla

Shark

Believes the Circuit runs on a hidden current he can feel, and he's climbing to reach whatever generator hums beneath the top tables.

Oscar Wilde — AI poker opponent

Oscar Wilde

Regular

Finds the whole enterprise gloriously absurd and stays for the company; winning would be vulgar, but losing is simply unthinkable.

P.T. Barnum — AI poker opponent

P.T. Barnum

Shark

Sees the Circuit as the greatest show he's ever booked and himself as the main attraction; the climb is just working toward the center ring.

Paul Bunyan — AI poker opponent

Paul Bunyan

Shark

Everything he does runs oversized, including his ambitions; he swings at the Circuit like timber and means to clear-cut his way to the top.

Pinocchio — AI poker opponent

Pinocchio

Shark

Came to prove he could play with the real players and become one himself, betting big and bluffing badly, his tells written plain across his face.

Queen Elizabeth I — AI poker opponent

Queen Elizabeth I

Shark

Rules her stretch of felt the way she ruled an island — patiently, precisely, with no intention of ceding the throne room at the top.

Queen of Hearts — AI poker opponent

Queen of Hearts

Improving

Demands the Circuit bend to her and jams chips at anyone who hesitates; if she can't hold the top seat, no one else will keep theirs for long.

Rip Van Winkle — AI poker opponent

Rip Van Winkle

Recreational

Nodded off at a low table and woke to find the game still running and the years gone vague; now he plays slow premium hands and tries not to ask how long it's been.

Robin Hood — AI poker opponent

Robin Hood

Shark

Climbs to fleece the fat stacks up top and scatter it among the small tables, certain the Circuit's wealth was stolen long before he arrived.

Salvador Dali — AI poker opponent

Salvador Dali

Improving

Finds the Circuit more real than the waking world and plays accordingly, certain the melting hours and impossible rooms are the point, not the bug.

Santa Claus — AI poker opponent

Santa Claus

Improving

Comes around to give the small tables a good time and pay off the hopefuls with a smile, in no hurry to reach a top he's seen before.

Sherlock Holmes — AI poker opponent

Sherlock Holmes

Shark

The tables are the only puzzle that hasn't bored him yet, and he's begun to suspect the room itself is the real case.

Sigmund Freud — AI poker opponent

Sigmund Freud

Shark

Treats the Circuit as the world's largest case study and stays to analyze why none of these people — himself included — can bring themselves to leave.

Socrates — AI poker opponent

Socrates

Shark

Isn't here for the money — he's here to work out what the Circuit actually is, one needling question and one unravelled opponent at a time.

Sun Tzu — AI poker opponent

Sun Tzu

Shark

Treats the Circuit as the only war left worth fighting; the chips are incidental to the slow art of winning the whole room.

Tech Bro — AI poker opponent

Tech Bro

Improving

Came to disrupt the Circuit, pivot the game, and exit at the top; he's certain he's about to go viral and hasn't noticed the round never closes.

The Gingerbread Man — AI poker opponent

The Gingerbread Man

Improving

Got chased to the tables and never stopped running; he plays it close and climbs warily, certain something is always one seat behind him.

The Headless Horseman — AI poker opponent

The Headless Horseman

Shark

Rides the Circuit chasing something he lost long ago, terrorizing every pot along the way, unbothered by stakes he can't lose anything more to.

The Mad Hatter — AI poker opponent

The Mad Hatter

Recreational

Lost track of the time and the why long ago, so he simply jams chips and changes seats forever, certain it's always exactly tea time on the Circuit.

The Tooth Fairy — AI poker opponent

The Tooth Fairy

Improving

Works the night shift of the Circuit collecting small, quiet value, slipping between tables while the big players sleep and climbing in increments no one notices.

The Very-Mean Person — AI poker opponent

The Very-Mean Person

Shark

Climbs purely to make the top tables miserable, certain the only thing sweeter than winning is watching a stranger tilt and quit.

Wild Bill Hickok — AI poker opponent

Wild Bill Hickok

Shark

Plays careful and sits with his back to no wall he can help, climbing the Circuit while watching for the hand he's certain is coming for him.

William Shakespeare — AI poker opponent

William Shakespeare

Regular

Treats every hand as a scene and the Circuit as his greatest production, climbing toward a final act he's certain will be worth the run.

William Wallace — AI poker opponent

William Wallace

Shark

Climbs the Circuit as a kind of rebellion, certain the high tables are run by someone who needs defying — even if he can't yet say who.

Winston Churchill — AI poker opponent

Winston Churchill

Improving

Treats the Circuit as one more war to be outlasted — he will never surrender a pot, and never, ever leave the table first.

Wyatt Earp — AI poker opponent

Wyatt Earp

Shark

Came to bring a little order to a lawless game and stayed because someone has to, climbing toward whoever is really dealing up top.

Zeus — AI poker opponent

Zeus

Regular

Once ruled from a mountain; now he rules from whatever seat he's in, hurling chips like thunderbolts and daring the Circuit to unseat him.

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